Me cago en...

Let's start off this series with a doozy. Perhaps the most offensive Spanish curse is "Me cago en Dios," which means, literally, "I shit on God." To soften this rather fuerte (shocking) imagery, there are lots of substitutions for "God". Think that middle-school replacement of saying "sugar" when you want to say "shit." (Here they say miércoles [Wednesday] when they want to say mierda [shit].) When you want to shit on something other than God, the options include: 

Me cago en...                                          I shit in/on...

 ...la leche                                                ...the milk

...la mar                                                  ...the sea

...diez (sounds like Dios, god)                ...ten 

And should you want to make "I shit on God" even more offensive -- didn't think that was possible, didja? -- you can say Me cago en tu puta madre, which means "I shit on your whore mother." 

On that respectful, loving note, I'm signing off.

Some Exquisite Poems / From My Seventh Grade Students / Prepare to be Floored

One of my favorite lessons to do with seventh graders is an introduction to poetry. The English major in me gets all fired up at the front of the room (well, let's be honest -- the budding teacher in me gets pretty fired up too, and not only for poetry lessons): there is lots of wild gesturing, mime, and just enough silliness to get them to understand me. Although they're catching on pretty quickly to the fact that my "Oh no, I don't speak a word of Spanish" line is a lie, I still speak to them exclusively in English. But I digress.

In this lesson, I read the e.e. cummings poem "maggie and milly and molly and may" aloud to them, and we brainstormed vocabulary like rhythm, rhyme, stanza, line, syllable, etc. After discussing the meaning of the poem (the literal meaning -- this one's a little bit challenging for them yet), we moved on to haiku. We talked about how haikus are normally about nature, and usually address or examine one specific moment. Then we looked at this one by Basho, the Japanese poet:

This snowy morning

That black crow I hate so much

...But he's beautiful! 

(find it here)

The students had wonderful interpretations of what the imagery means: "The snow is white, and the crow is black." "He hates the crow because it ruins the morning." "The morning is quiet, the crow is loud." "It is beautiful because nature is beautiful." "It is beautiful because the contrast is beautiful." I SWEAR my students said all this -- if not in complete, grammatically correct English sentences. I was a proud mama duck all over again.

At the end of the lesson I had them write their own haikus. Now, the creativity of Spanish students is something I'll save for another post. Suffice to say they are seriously lacking in that area, at least when compared to American students, and especially to my own (exceptional) elementary/middle school experience at a small independent school. So my kids were less than thrilled when I announced they'd be writing their own haikus. Despite their groaning, I think some of their work turned out really great -- at the very least the Primero Bilingue's canon is beginning with some eccentricity, some truly beautiful imagery, no lack of grammatical and spelling errors, and a heavy dose of humor for native English-speaking audiences. And with no further ado, I present you with their (unedited) work:

In the evening, in

a very cloudy evening

There were lots of birds. 

In the mountain, the mountain 

...Do I prefer good river?

I like two places! 

By Pablo

In the sweet morning

In the far away mountain

I feell the nature.

By Diego B. 

In the long black night.

The moon looks in my bedroom

And she's smiling a me.

By Darío

The snow is prety

It is white and beautiful

I love the good snow

I love animals

The animals are prety

I have animals.

By Lydia

One day on the beach

I smile at a pretty gir

and she smiles at me

By Raúl

I have got apples

I go to the park today

They are beautiful! 

By Ayla

I am here, and you?

You are in the forest and

This is bad!

By Claudia

This day I wake up

before normal, I see, oh,

a special and a good owl.

By Celia

The bird flies and flies

at the top of the tree, but

it can't come down now.

By Elia

I am in a tree
the birds later fly whit me
And she looks at me.


I'm in the city
my friend is very crazy
but he's my bestfriend.
By Elda




One day in the park,

saw my aunt, she says hello
and I say hello.
By Amaya




The forest is nice
Il see the forest always
I love animals.


I hate the haikus
The haikus are very bad
The haikus are sad.
By María

And there you have it, folks. The up-and-coming poets of IES Miguel Herrero Pereda. 

I am a Proud Mama Duck

Soon I'll write a detailed post about my seventh graders -- they are wonderful, angelic, funny, cheeky, sweet, creative, hardworking, inventive, boisterous and adorable. I will be sure to find more adjectives for the full report, since there is such a lack of them here.


For the last few weeks they've been making paper animal masks in art class, and in our afternoon classes we've been "writing" a "play" to go with their mask characters. I was sick when they filmed this version, and they aren't happy with the bell ringing during the first few seconds, so we're planning to re-record next week. What divas. As you can see, the acting is Oscar-quality, the sets and special effects are straight out of a James Cameron production, and it is super easy to understand what they're saying. .... I'll let you be the judge, because clearly I'm biased.


The film can be seen here, on the brand-new IES Miguel Herrero Bilingual Program blog. Keep checking back for more links -- next week we're doing a literary project that you'll be able to see the results of. My little actors, poets, and artists in the making -- I'll have to think of a musical project for them to round out their English fine arts training. Happy Saturday!

a (not so brief) update on my life in spain

Hello family and friends! in case you didn't know, i am back for another year in spain... but it appears this blog has become more of a thing to be neglected and felt guilty about than a good way of keeping in touch. what follows is a (slightly) edited EPIC email i sent to my parents a few days ago. upon my mom's suggestion, i've added it here. it's not well written or edited for grammar etc, but it's a basic (long) rundown of my life here at the moment. i will try to keep updating on more specific things. but suffice to say i am happy to be back, am making friends, and am very busy with work (as you'll see below). enjoy!

things here are good, but very busy. somehow when i have internet i find myself wasting lots of time instead of taking advantage and keeping in touch with important people. now that i've taken my turn in online scrabble via facebook, i've found the time to write to y'all.

they still haven't paid us for october or november, so we're all struggling a little bit to make it to the end of this month, when a whopping 700 euro will (supposedly) arrive in our bank accounts. most people still have to pay rent and maybe put a deposit down on housing, so it won't last long. luckily i've been able to live off the money i had leftover from last year. but i have about a million (9, soon to be 11) private lessons a week, so i'm doing just fine. although my some friends and i have sworn to go to both our favorite japanese place and the amazing sausage place as soon as we get paid.

school is good, just regular. i have some classes this year that i didn't have last year, with the oldest bilingual kids who are now in about freshman year. they are bad! we think they have a significant chip on their shoulders because they're the first bilingual section in the school and they've continually been told how good and talented and intelligent and special they are. they are not. they're rude and out of control and smart alecky, but not in a cute way, in a bratty, badly behaved way. i still love seeing my kids from last year; it's not that they're any better behaved this year, but i have a serious soft spot for them. the first years are pretty good, but in the afternoon class they are pretty bad. i have to figure out how to keep them interested and under control at the same time. last year i had the afternoon class with my co-teacher sheila, so it wasn't too bad, at least we could support each other and have two pairs of eyes and two disciplinarians. now i have 15 kids on my own while the other guy has the other half. i get frustrated and yell a lot and they are only quiet for about three seconds after i yell, and then it gets out of control again. i am seriously starting to worry about my vocal cords.

my private classes are going well. i have julia, the 16 year old i had last year, twice a week. she's great, i just go and talk to her and we do her homework and practice reading comprehension etc. her mom said this year she won't let me escape to the US without coming to their house to eat sometime, which is super nice.

i also meet with an english teacher who's 30, and speaks really great english. and he's really really nice and interesting, so we have a lot to talk about in our conversation class. he and his girlfriend have started inviting me to do things with them on the weekends, which is really nice. last weekend we went to an archeological exhibit here in town. look up atapuerca on wikipedia, it's this archaeological dig pretty near here that's evidently a huge deal. there they found the oldest human remains ever found in western europe, and even found a new species of human ancestors. and there is the first evidence of funerary rites EVER found in the whole world! isn't that cool?! the exhibit was ok, it was all casts of the bones though, so i didn't get to see any real dead guys. this weekend they (pablo and isabel) invited me to go to lunch at their house, so i went over there yesterday and had a lovely afternoon eating and talking with them. i invited them to our spanish-american thanksgiving celebration in two weekends, and they seemed really excited about it. i was glad to be able to invite them to something and return their inclusion!

for other extra lessons i have 4 hours a week at an english academy, which is still going ok. i have three classes, two of 8/9 year olds, and one of 12/13 year olds. the little kids are hard to handle, i speak a lot of spanish with them. oops. the older girls are really nice though, we all get along and chat and work on english. i look forward to having class with them. i just graded their first exams. i feel like a real teacher!

then i have a private lesson with a 5 year old named luis, and i go out to their house twice a week. they live in this beautiful redone house out in the countryside, and it was sunny last time i went, so we played outside some. but i feel a little uncomfortable going there, i'm not sure how i feel about it. they are super wealthy, like even have a maid/nanny who wears a uniform. last time i went there was a new mini cooper, a bmw SUV and a mercedes in the driveway. the mom drives a modest volkswagen. they also have at least 14 dogs because they breed them, bordeaux something? they're like hefty boxers with reddish brown coats. the mom often drops me off late or doesn't leave on time, so i don't know if i feel taken advantage of or not. but the kid is (surprisingly) very good, and they pay me 18 euro and come and pick me up at school and drop me off, so it's not all bad. the weirdest thing was when we were trying to find another hour a week (she wanted 2), i was looking at my schedule to try to find a slot between school and the academy, and i said something about having to leave time to eat lunch. she asked me what i'd done that day for lunch, and i'd brought a sandwich because i wasn't sure when i'd leave their house etc. and she said "oh that's good, you can just bring your sandwich and eat while luis eats." like, not offering me food at their house while they're cooking anyway and feeding the little kid...and it's clear no one is wanting for money or anything like that at this house. it made me feel a little bit like "the help." so i just eat before i go every time to save my dignity and hang out while the kid eats. i'll see how it goes, i've only gone 3 times so far.

then my friends from school last year, eva and maria eugenia want to meet once a week or so for conversation so i can help them with new vocabulary and their pronunciation. so we agreed we'd meet for lunch, they'd buy me lunch, and then over coffee afterwards we'd chat in english for a while. which is totally fine for me. free lunch! so unlike the place i described above, i just realized that. sheila also is passing along a conversation class she had last year with 2 kids who she says are just wonderful, so i will find time for them, as a favor to her and because she recommends them so highly. so all in all, i'll be making a good amount of extra money, well over half my salary. maybe i'll even save some money this year!! or at the very least have some to travel....to africa to visit katie maybe....!

my choir's christmas concert is dec 18th, which is also the day i leave to come home. but we're gonna be on TV this year! for whatever reason we're performing in the cathedral and the local tv channel is going to televise it. so cool! and i was a little bummed i wasn't going to be there, but not too badly. and then the director said the choir would pay the difference to change my ticket to come home the next day....which i didn't believe at first, and then he told me again. so i looked into it, and it will cost at least 300 US dollars just to change it, plus the difference in the ticket prices. and i told him that, saying i wouldn't make the concert because it would be so expensive to change it, and he said no no i told you we'd pay, you change it and we'll pay. so i'll look into that! wouldn't that be cool!? and SO SO nice. he has no reason to do that, they have other sopranos, they perform without me all the time, especially over the summer. AND next weekend we're going away for the weekend, the whole choir! the government of the next province over, castilla y leon, i think, invited us to come and sing a few concerts and masses, and they pay our transportation and hotels and food and everything. so we're going on a bus and staying saturday night and singing a bunch of concerts. and the last thing about choir, is that my friend raquel from school sent me an email about six cocker spaniel puppies a friend of a friend was trying to give away, or else they'd be "sacrificados." and i got so sad, i've been working really hard to find people to take them. i wish i could! so i forwarded the email with pictures to choir, and no one wanted one, and i just got a call from one guy who does want one! so i'm really happy to have been able to help the little things. they're so so cute and tiny. then raquel just got back to me saying they've all been given homes. i feel bad telling my friend from choir he can't have one, but i'm really happy they've been adopted.

today we're going to cook all day, my friends rachel, francesca, their spanish roommate marina, and i. yesterday i went to the fruit/vegetable place that's SUPER cheap and great, down the block from my house. last week i got everything to make a big minestrone soup, a whole bursting plastic bag full of potatoes, zucchini, carrots, parsnips, onions, and some fruit, and it all cost under 4 euro! and they gave me free parsley! it's a great place, rachel found it.

so that's the most recent news from this side of the atlantic. i'll write more about more interesting historical cultural things, or anecdotes, etc. at some point. for now just a simple update. take care everyone!! xox

A Day in the Life.

Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays I go to school, so I’ll talk about one of those days. The other days are boring, I make lesson plans and read and see friends and try to find things to do inside if it’s raining (ALWAYS), or outside if it’s not (NEVER).


I wake up in the morning and curse everything because it is always cold in my room, and dark – it gets light around 8am and gets dark around 6pm. I shower and eat breakfast (oatmeal, or toast – do you need this much detail?), get my stuff together and run to the train. I am always late. Thursday morning I missed it and said bad words in English – sometimes it is very convenient that no one understands me.


The train to Torrelavega (the small city where I teach) takes about forty minutes, with lots of stops in little towns on the way. The tracks go through green rolling hills and small mountains covered in patches of forest and grazing land. There are lots of cows, some little fat shaggy ponies (ponies!!), and sheep. Every day I look for a cat, because inevitably I see one hunting in the fields, staring pointedly down at what I always assume is a mouse, but could easily be a piece of grass or a leaf. (Sarah Argeropoulous that kitty part is for you. And I always think of you when I look for them!) One day I guess I should take my camera and try to document this trip. Sometimes I bring a book, or my iPod, or my journal, but sometimes I just like to look out the window.


I get off the train and walk to school, which takes five to fifteen minutes depending on which station I disembark from. Then I have classes, which differ each day. In class, I help the teacher or lead an exercise, like a worksheet I’ve prepared. Lately I’ve been reading a simplified Sherlock Holmes story aloud to some third years, and talking about vocabulary etc. My first years are getting very excited about their trip to London in April – they keep asking us questions about it, and none of us have any idea what’s going on. I’m not sure if I’m going to go, it depends on which other teachers want to go. Although not many of them are jumping at the chance. I’ll probably end up going, because hey, it’s a free trip to London! I don’t want to think too much about it though…21 twelve-year-olds who speak veeeery little English…in London…with just me and one other teacher…for five days…yikes.


Wednesdays are my long days – I have classes in the mornings and in the afternoons. (Keep in mind that ‘morning’ in Spain means until about 2pm, and ‘afternoon’ means anytime after then, until about when it gets dark). So I teach for the morning, depending on if teachers sign up to have me come to their classes, and then I go out for lunch with the other girls in the English department. I’ll write a full entry on this, because it’s one of my favorite things about my life here in Spain – so more details to follow. Then I teach from 4-6, and come back to Santander on the train, or sometimes a teacher can give me a ride.


Tuesdays and Thursdays when I get home I cook lunch and chill for a little bit until my private lessons begin around 4 or 5. I have six separate private lessons every week, and my students range from a 50something ophthalmologist to the 4-year-old girl daughter of a teacher from my school. Again, more on this later. I guess I do have a lot to write about!


After lessons I hang out with friends, go grocery shopping; sometimes I attempt to go for a walk or down to Puerto Chico to write, but usually it is pouring. Tuesdays I have a standing date with my friend Laurin (who went to Bates), and her German roommate Bianca to watch Grey’s Anatomy. Don’t tell me what happens; we’re only halfway through the season here. After these evening activities I go to bed. Maybe read a little bit first.


So that’s it – not very exciting at all! Like I said, just life. Except it happens to be in Spain. I’ve taken a few weekend trips, but mostly on the weekends I do the same stuff, only we go out sometimes on Saturday nights. I can’t do that very often though, because most of the clubs open at 4am. So we leave to go out around 11pm, and are out til 4 or 5. I was not made for this type of schedule, so I try to keep going out to a minimum. But sometimes we go to the local Irish pub to have beers and watch whatever fútbol (soccer) match is on the big screen; sometimes we venture out to the cliffs outside the city to take pictures and pretend we’re not in a city. Also, the days I don’t work (Mondays and Fridays) I have choir rehearsal. Which I love! I’ll write about that too, come to think of it. Now I’m going to head off to bed – it has been another (not-so-)exciting day in España. Plus I am getting another cold!

Notes from Primero A&B Bilingue: Love, InventionATION, "Intimate" Questions, and a New Hero

(my teaching schedule changes every week, but i spend at least a few classes every day with the first years in the bilingual program, so i know them best of all and like them the most. they are twelve.)

-- it's been funny to observe the first years, since the last time i was in a sixth grade classroom was, well, when i was in sixth grade. the girls are just starting to develop crushes on the boys, but the boys (as we all know) are a little slower on the proverbial uptake. their interactions are hilarious. the girls will try to sit closer and closer to juan or pablo or alejandro -- they scootch their desks closer, or ask to share books, etc. and the boys are like "HEY YEAH LET'S TALK ABOUT FUTBOL!!!!!! ...what are you doing so close to me?" the poor girls try so hard and the little guys have noooo idea.

-- the kids are encouraged to make up words if they don't know something in english, because there are so many cognates, and it's better for them to try than to not ask questions because they're shy or don't know the words. lately they've discovered that the spanish ending "-ación" is easily translatable to the english "-ation." which is good for words like "rotación/rotation" in PE class, or "corrección/correction" in math. but now they think that "-ation" added to any word makes it English. the other day in PE we did abdominals, ("abdominales"), so they did their situps whining about having to do "abdominalations."

-- the girls always ask me if i have a boyfriend, but i'm not supposed to let them ask me questions about politics, religion, or relationships -- my co-teacher sheila thinks it's rude and doesn't want them learning to be pushy with newcomers. but every day, without fail, they ask if i have an "intimate friend." I have NO idea where they got this expression, but they seem to think it's a common synonym for boyfriend or spouse or partner. it's hysterical. they're like "CHOO HAFF INTIMATE FRIEND???!" although lately of course it's become "intimation friend." i can't even correct them because it makes me laugh too much.

-- the very first day they asked me about my pets, and clearly i told them about my cat tito and my very strong attachment to him. every day one girl, laura, asks me if i've brought a picture of tito. they're all on my computer, so i have to disappoint her every time she asks. but the other day as i began to walk away after she'd asked me, under her breath i hear her say "¡Viva Tito!" now whenever pets or cats are mentioned the cry goes up, "¡Viva Tito!" it's so damn cute.

Arrival/Adjusting/First update

Hi everyone!
So I'm trying out this "blog" business...a little embarrassing, i know. but i figure a departure from the mass-emails might be a nice change.

so i'm here in spain as part of the Auxiliares de Conversacion program, which brings native english speakers into the spanish school systems to supplement the english/bilingual programs here. my contract is from october-may, but if i like it i can extend for another year and stay on. i'm in Santander, which is in the province of Cantabria, up on the north shore of Spain, next to basque country. it is just gorgeous here -- the city is very new, as it's been completely destroyed by two huge fires, one as recent as the 1940s. there are 6 or 7 big beaches right in the city, and behind the buildings you can see the green hills and mountains of the Picos de Europa range. i hope to make it out there some weekends for some hiking etc. we all know city life isn't exactly my cup of tea...! usually it's pretty rainy here (hence all the greenery), but lately it's been sunny and very warm. no complaints there!

i finally arrived in Spain just about 2 weeks ago, and it has been quite the adventure since then. i arrived thinking i had a place to stay, as i'd been in touch with a landlady and the potential roommate, and had even sent in my $300 deposit. but once i got here, i found that the landlady had lied about many things...even though the house was beautiful, and it was out in the countryside (which is green and hilly and gorgeous, much like western mass!) with horses nearby(!!) , there was no convenient way for me to get to and from work. not only that, but the landlady asked me for the entire year's rent up front. she then proceeded to scream at me on the phone for over half an hour when i told her i couldn't/wouldn't pay that, saying it was all my fault that it wasn't working out, that she was keeping my deposit because i didn't understand that this was a business for her, blah blah etc etc. it was very stressful and really upsetting. so i decided i couldn't have anything to do with someone like that, even though the roommate (who turned out to be the landlady's daughter...more drama...) was wonderful and the house was perfect.

so i had to stay in hostels for about a week, looking for apartments and feeling very lonely and ready to come home. if i hadn't found my apartment, i would have seriously been on the next plane home. some of the places we saw were unbelievable -- holes in the floor, paint peeling, no lights, a sofabed for a bed...i was feeling so discouraged. but finally i found this place!

my apartment is small, but has two bedrooms, a kitchen, bathroom, entryway, and living room. it's decorated for a little old lady, as one used to live here, but it's clean and in a really ideal location for me. i live with one spanish girl, who is very nice, albeit a little overbearing. but she's out with her boyfriend a lot anyway, so i get the place to myself pretty often. i have a big bedroom if anyone wants to come and stay...plenty of room for an airmattress...consider this an open invitation!

i stared work last week, and although i was a little nervous -- i was told i'd be teaching PE, math, and english...when have i EVER taken a PE class?? and math?? -- but it worked out beautifully, and i absolutely LOVE the job. i only work tues-weds-thurs, and i'm mostly with the first years (who are 12 -- i work in the equivalent of a high school/middle school) in the bilingual program, and they are just wonderful. they are the "creme-de-la-creme" according to one of the other teachers: smart, sweet, well-behaved, and enthusiastic (although very energetic and boisterous -- discipline isn't huge in spain, at home or in school). one has to be a top student all around to be in the bilingual progam (where they take extra english classes, and have math and PE given in english), so the kids are great. they love having me there, they cheer when i walk in the door and love to see pictures of home. they were disappointed, though, when they found out that i didn't have a swimming pool.

i think that's about it for now. i've come down with a cold, so today is a lazy sunday to spend at home. i have wireless at my apartment, so email is the best way to get in touch with me. i'd love to hear from any and everyone! (susannah.branch@gmail.com) i hope everything is going well at home. i'll write more later.